The things you do to get what you want surprise you sometimes. You know the rules, and you understand the conflicts of interest. Nonetheless, when you know how the system works well enough you take your chances and you bend protocol, but not the rules. You play to your strengths, you benefit first, then your team and then the organization. In the process you discover that you are out of your comfort zone; you discover potential that you never knew you had. You are under time pressure you have just a few seconds to complete your agenda, you hack away at the system until something finally does the trick, and then you are in. By this time, a small audience has gathered around you and they applaud and warn you, so you accept their praise and you make sure that the rules have been respected.
Obviously there are at least eight types of hymen (from full armor to none at all) and that is what will determine how much pain is caused during the process. Also, it is not uncommon that you will need to interrupt the process and resume several days later. You need to ask yourself if it is worth it and whether you have the patience and time. Ideally, the person is your mistress who you don't see that often anyway. The algorithm would be as follows:
1. Greet & Verify - Make sure you are on the same page. 2. Discovery - Find out what exactly you are dealing with (down there.) 3. Resolution - This may be a sequence of attempts with several days of hiatus in between, depending on your partner's pain barrier and self-control. 4. Full Disclosure - A morally legal requirement, be sure not to instill false hope, be clear about what you have done and what you are willing to do in the future.
So you've decided to smoke where you are not supposed to. Tried to flush, but the damn thing just would not go down the tubes. Had to put your hand in to pick it out or flush ten more times till it finally went down. Lesson learned? Yes!
Next time:
1. Roll it up in paper towels and compress. 2. Flush once. 3. Be a professional!
|Prj.crd|: I would like to request the mounting of curtains in my office. |Senator|: What?! Curtains?! So that you can f*ck students in your office? Hell no!!
|Prj.Crd|: I would like to request the equipping of an empty room in our recreational quarters with a couple of ping pong tables. |Senator|: What?! Ping pong tables?! So that you can f*ck students on the ping pong tables? Hell no!!
Comment: Members of the educational infrastructure have a unique way of handling administrative and budgeting activities.
|Client|: ...you know, my dog died, and now I'm thinking of changing my job... |#Agent|:And, you were saying that you want to cancel your account?
Comment: Focusing on current issue, by method of evasion. If there is a better way, I would like to know.
Random re/co list:
->What if XYZ was not an issue, would you UVW then? (smoke screen objections) ->Couldn't, even if I cared enough to want to.(House) ->Sorry man, I will do it just like you said, as soon as I pull my dick out of yo' momma's ass. (Silent Bob's reply) (-Still here; ) ->No rest for the wicked (Dexter) (-You know I'm a pro;) ->I also know you're human like the rest of us, so... (Dexter) ->It is not boastful, it's just stating facts. (30 Rock)
Learn/Accomplish/Tweak (top 5): - Cat has to be thrown out at night to ensure uninterrupted sleep. - Call & Service Centers are probably as Big Brother as you can get. - Domestic trade is great, especially if you live with a fat person: you bid: cheese, booze, greasy sh*t; you ask: vegetables, lean meat, fruit. - In business: Men should smile and joke; women should be serious in the first 15 minutes in order to be taken seriously. - Social mirroring of posture is obvious to the subject, but not always to the actor. Rant: - Fear of dishonesty and negativity in the corporate environment and constant repetition of the phrases "Be Your Self" "Don't try to make things seem the way they are not". Apparently, the only negative thing you can say about your company is: It is boring at the moment, which is not really a negative, but a positive in disguise (because all relationships get boring every once in a while, it's inevitable, thus not a weakness.) Surprise: - Surprised that multinational company X provides X type of Internet connection, and is still doing quite well. (I expected that Y type of connection had wiped out all X by now.) Shock: - The moment I saw my new colleagues; they looked like my 9th grade class: most of them juvenile-looking, unprofessional, long pony-tail and hardcore rock t-shirt etc. (I like rock a lot, but I don't wear it.)
Narrative Highlights:
The week starts on Monday; Ends on Sunday, after Week in Review is Complete, the time between Sunday XX:XX and Monday is a gray area, which will not be optimized, it is a time of unchecked freedom. Route Optimization. New job = new routes to work. I have three alternatives (D1-10 discomfort, T1-10 time, Cost=0): 1) Tram D3, Walk D5, Subway D4, Subway D4: T=9 2) Tram D8, Subway D4: T=7 3) Tram D10, Walk D4: T=5
So basically, the question I ask myself every morning is: "Do I want to 1) wake up early, take the easy route, hope I make it on time; 2) wake up later, flow in harmony with the morning masses of people, possibly meet a couple of colleagues on the way, or 3) Wake up late, put on an attitude and push and shove my way out of the tram at the stop in which nobody wants to get off, get a little roughed up in the process, maybe cap a couple of them, then take a walk?"
Boring Training Sessions & Efficient Allocation of Resources.Whenever one lands in a job that one is overqualified for, one does their best to do useful things when training sessions become boring without appearing to be too weird/insubordinate.
As a result of my typing preference, my handwriting -which never looked really good anyway- had to suffer, and that is why I looked up visual appeal tips for handwriting (link) and started practicing during the infinite(9h training days). This allocation of resources adds value by improving motor skills, while leaving auditive sensory perception intact (you can still listen to the training material.)
Clogging Creative Urges. In every job, there comes a time to curb your creative instincts. In retrospect, I believe one should resist the urge of doodling on the course material or on one's notes, because it looks unprofessional, unless, of course it is relevant/functional, controlled and visual appeal was tested to be high. No experimenting.
Scoring a seat depends on both internal and external (uncontrollable) factors: External: - Rush hour traffic - Point of entry - Atypical passenger behavior Internal: - Being the first to enter the train from the platform - Predicting who will leave their seat at the next stop
a) Being the first to enter is achieved by examining the edge of the platform and detecting the thin stripes or spots of dirt on it (V.1.); that is where the train doors are NOT going to be. Having established the location of the doors, you will proceed to stand on either extremity (preferably the extremity which is opposite the direction of the train (V.2. and V.3.), which allows you to correct your error, in case your calculation is inaccurate, by forcing the people behind you to form a queue (V.4.) and people in front of you to form a perpendicular queue to the train (V.4.), establishing you the head of both queues,) so that you will be in an ideal position to allow people to get off before being the firstperson to get on.
Note: Sometimes the wear and tear is difficult or impossible to detect (Eroilor, left track), in which case one has to rely on experience and comparative estimations.
b) Predicting who will leave in case being the first to get on did not score you the seat is more difficult because it involves calculating and comparing probabilities. First, you must stand next to your 'target leaver' in a way that if the person indeed does get off, you will be the first one to access their former seat. Factors determining leaver prediction:
Pre-stop agitation: gathering bags, buttoning coats, bracing themselves etc.
The way people dress can indicate where they are headed; business people will head for business areas, ordinary people will head for residential, for example: if you get on at the train station (Gara de Nord - middle class area) going East, you will be looking for well-dressed people in expensive clothing, because the next stop (Victoriei) is central and allows easy access to the downtown train. Conversely if you get on at Victoriei, heading West, you will look for people with a lot of luggage, because the train station is next.
Special events that you are aware off; visible football fans will get off at the stadium, rock fans at the concert hall etc.
Time of day: there is nothing you can do about rush hour; other than that, however, you know that most jobs are 9 to 5, so 9 = work (business area), 5 usually = home (residential area), 6 = downtown drinking (downtown area) etc.
By age: very old people will get off at hospitals, pension collection points, parks, green markets; teenagers will get off at schools, bars, theaters, skating rinks (Piata Iancului) etc.
You will mentally map out all these people and monitor them for pre-stop agitation. Some will get up before reaching the station, some will sit until the very last moment (which is most efficient, and also, it avoids the stop shock that you incurr in a standing position, yet it is most hindering to your goals to grab the seat).
Trap-employer = employer which will try to exploit or scam you in various ways
While job hunting in Bucharest, I came across many a trap employer. Some of the traps were:
Signing an agreement on a fixed salary and bonuses and setting decent income goals considering commission on sales (brokerage firm/chop-shop), yet completely disregarding their own terms once payday comes, even though you have been working 15 hour work days "voluntarily".
While negotiating price (BPO firm), they lie about the market price level of BPO employee compensation.
Last, but not least, my personal favorite: MLM firms which attempt to make you destroy your social life, the topic of this post.
Favor Bank Robbing (Journal excerpt)
"Company X called me for an interview; I went; the brick&mortar aspect of it was pleasant; it is a multinational company with a pretty good profit margin. It was a sales job; I asked them 'Am I going to be selling your product door-to-door?'; they said 'No, our customers are our friends, they invite us to come into their house/office to make a presentation.'; 'That's great,' I said unknowingly. The next monday I show up for the training (which is apprentice-style cut-throat melee competition, and out of the X number of candidates only 2 will be hired). The sales manager starts pitching us all the material benefits and the bonus/commission structure, all the competitions and how out of the x thousand sales reps in the country the top 0.6% will get x capital gains etc., which sounded acceptable, given that any profit driven company will use incentives to maximize their sales. However, and here is the kicker, on the list of potential clients it was not their friends who invite them into their homes for a presentation, but rather:
1. our immediate family 2. our extended family 3. our neighbors 4. our neighbors' neighbors 5. our friends 6. our friends' friends 7. the people we invited to our wedding, and their friends 8. the people we served with in the army... and their friends 9. our colleagues, and their friends 10. our classmates and their parents... and friends
Our homework was to come up with as many people as we could, with the aim of convincing them to 'invite' us for a presentation. That is when it dawned on me, where they get their 'friends' from. They create a collective of potential employees, they pit them against each other, appealing to their materialism to create a cluster-fuck in their social lives and extended social lives. Sometimes I wonder what kind of people those x thousand people are who do this for a living in this country. Then I realize that the phrase 'He would sell his own mother' does not refer to the act of exchanging the mother for XYZ product/currency, but rather the sales jargon sell your own mother as in, pitch her and close her for your benefit ('Mom, allow me to present you with this great opportunity!') The only way I see that can reconcile this moral dilemma of materialism versus social life is developing a sort of religious zeal for your product and actually believing that you are doing a favor to XYZ prospect (your soon to be inexistent friend) by barging into his house and making him buy your shiite." Corporate Favor Bankrupting (CFB) =The activity of motivating your employees or potential employees tobecome heavy .squirrels, simultaneously drawing upon all their contacts (into which they have invested years of effort), thereby creating a .debt so great that it overwhelms the .squirrel and, while jobwise the .squirrel might win, the .squirrel actually loses goods of a higher value.
Corporate Favor Bank Robber = The company that practices CFB.
In conclusion, watch out for corporate favor bank robbers, if the company description has MLM, Direct Sales. They can cost you years of time invested in relationships. They will not only rob your bank; they will make sure your credit gets messed up for good.
This post will discuss the United States East Coast metropolitan area, some of Canada, rather than Bucharest.
Favor Bank = The social pseudo-institution, which keeps track of non monetary investments or withdrawals into and from personal relationships.
“.” = “Favor-“
.Debt = The sum of all favors received
.Savings = The sum of unreciprocated favors rendered
.Squirrel = Person to whom you render favors
.Whale = Person who renders favors to you
I have spent two summers working odd jobs on the East Coast as a student. On the first occasion I did not know anybody and I did not have a pre-established job or accommodation. All I had was a return ticket to Budapest. Therefore, I was forced to re-invent myself from 0 on a foreign land with $480 bucks in my pocket and 50kg of luggage in my hands.
Here is a journal entry from the second time I had gone to the East Coast to do some student work:
“Then I realized that I am not the one who needs help, it's the squirrels that I was managing for flight and accommodation sharing. And I did help everyone that needed it, even though I particularly despised one of the dudes, and it's not even his fault - it's just that rawness aura around him - those rough edges that remind me of someone who put a knife to my back once because of his double Y chromosomes. One should be forgiving.”
Bankrupting the favor bank = Overwhelming a .squirrel with favors that are too big, too many, or favors that cannot be reciprocated in the foreseeable future. The feeling of being overwhelmed soon turns into panic and feelings of enmity, which damages the relationship and cancels the investment.
Tips to avoid bankruptcy: 1) do not invest big in untested brands (new acquaintances) 2) avoid investing in unstable brands (teenagers and people in early twenties) 3) be prudent with large investments and 4) set very specific terms in case you do decide to lend money and never lend more than you can afford to lose (the loss also includes the good terms of the relationship with the .squirrel).
Part two will discuss some aspects of covert/overt corporate-personal favor bank exploitation.
Here is a list of bullshit ideas (from the series: Bullshit) that you might believe in:
12-Stepping
Abstinence
Alien Abductions
Alternative Medicine
Big Brother
Boy Scouts
Circumcision
College
Conspiracy Theories
Creationism
Crytozoology
Death, Inc.
Eat This!
End of the World
Endangered Species
Environmental Hysteria
ESP
Exercise vs. Genetics
Family Values
Feng Shui & Bottled Water
Fountain of Youth
Ghost Busters
Ground Zero
Gun Control
Hair
Holier Than Thou
Hypnosis
Life Coaching
Manners
Numbers
Ouija Boards & Near Death Experiences
P.E.T.A.
Pet Love
Profanity
Prostitution
Recycling
Reparations
Safety Hysteria
Second Hand Smoke & Baby Bullshit
Self-Helpless
Sex, Sex, Sex
Signs From Heaven
Talking to the Dead
The Best
The Bible Fact or Fiction
The Business of Love
The Death Penalty
War on Drugs
Yoga & Tantric Sex
Ellections (This one is not in the series)
Some of the titles are not self-explanatory; so feel free to check out the episode guide when in doubt.
The test is simple: if you believe that 80% or more of the items on the list are indeed "bullshit", you are part of the right group. You are a free thinker and a reasonable person.
If it is less than 80%, though, you have some gullibility issues that you need to take care of them by following some basic rules of debunking deceptive phenomena:
1. If it's too good to be true, it probably is. 2. There is no such thing as a free lunch. Nobody will give you anything at a loss or at no profit. 3. Promises that take effect after you are dead do not really have any value to add to your life. 4. Anecdotal evidence does not prove any general truth. 5. Everybody lies. 6. The popular choice is not always the correct one. 7. Others will make your mind up for you, if you hesitate.
8. College - Probably one of the most relevant to Bucharest and to Romania. One of the things every young aspiring college student realizes at one point or another is that colleges in Romania are not more than "expensive daycare centers"; a "home away from home" which takes care of you till you're old enough to get a job.
Most people hate people who have theories about people, yet most of us are indeed guilty of theorizing about the individuals of our society.
Have you ever chatted with anyone who insists on using proper capitalization, punctuation and grammar? Isn't that weird? I used to think I was the only one. Apparently I have been around women for so long that I began to feel isolated in my need for structure, my ambition to win and my compulsiveness to always be correct.
It turns out that this compulsion runs deep and stems from obsessive decency, integrity and overall morality. This person should have been born a hundred years from now, and he would have fit right in.
Nothing like obsessive sticklers to make you clean up your thought processes. In fact, you can ask them to clean them up for you. Now that is added value.
